Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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