i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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