Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize