i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ttyl tear gas
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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