I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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