we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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