I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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