STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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