you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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