I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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