I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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