I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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