oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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