I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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