Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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