I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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