bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize