I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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