I just threw up on my dentist
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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