When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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