Dual....:-)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize