we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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