I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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