i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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