i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize