May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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