she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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