I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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