I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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