Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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