I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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