so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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