I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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