...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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