I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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