I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize