wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize