and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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