Banned from zoo.
Again?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize