If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize