I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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