New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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