you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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