We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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