Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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