Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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