Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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