I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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