i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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