I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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