C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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