Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
